Oi Virgin, get back to basic values ...

So, just rung up Virgin Holidays to check something out and pay off the balance due.

Foreign call centre beckons ... and I'm sorry but it's torture: the guys are obviously trying hard but I'm still unconvinced I understood everything which is a worry as I am about to pay out the best part of 3 grand.

Anyway that's not the point. The basic values:
a) recognition of a customer based on what you know about them
b) demonstrate that the customer has at least some value to you
c) at least be seen to be trying

So I'm taking my daughter over to the West Indies. She's 14 but is classed as an adult for tariff purposes. When I'm chatting to the fella on the phone, he refers to a "2 adult" booking; I clarify that the 2nd person is my 14 year old daughter, not an adult (which they should know because they ask the age at booking stage). So I'm assuming (stupid bloke that I am) that there are two beds ... apparently not; only one bed - a special request has to go to hotel to cater for 2 beds. Bring back estate agents is what I say: they would have known that the room (an upgrade I may add) would not have been suitable ... actually not rocket science for the website to have worked that out, especially as they have asked the ages of the travellers ... or maybe they just think I have got a child bride! And Virgin are meant to be consumer champions - yeah right!

Then payment due date crops up; I tell them that I am not paying until I know that I have 2 proper beds in the room ... potential problem as I am informed that the balance is due as I have to pay 10 weeks before holiday starts. I then read out their own terms and conditions in the booking confirmation e-mail = payment due 8 weeks before departure; this seems to land on deaf ears ... No, it's 10 weeks I'm told (and this goes back and forward for a while) ... red mist descends but I manage not to lose it completely.

Am then told I have to ring back during the week to see if bed request has been successful as customer services staff don't work week-ends. OK, let's see how many things are wrong with that statement: a) I have to ring back - they're not calling me, b) they've got staff there to take your money at the week-end but no-one to resolve the problem, c) I am going to have to go through the same set of questions before I get an answer (well that's just dandy, 'cos I have nothing better to do with my time!), d) the travel industry is suffering in this recession ... you would have thought, they might be wanting to do everything to get the sale.

No wonder there's a clamour by consumers for a return to basic values ... and it's not just the recession. It's piss-poor customer service made worse when it's a brand that purports to be on your side ... when they are just replicas of the faceless corporates they claim to be challenging!

The devil's in the detail

So it's been ISA season recently. Whilst all the rates were so small as to be practically invisible, I couldn't really think of anything better to do, so I had a scout around.

Ended up plumping for a Natwest Cash ISA - extra bonus for customers, so I thought it was rude not to.

Did all the application malarky on-line, received an application pack to sign (they'd managed to get the wrong account number on the form!) and sent it off.

Waited for confirmation of the account being opened ... and waited ... and grew a beard ... and waited ... and went on a year's round the world trip ... and waited (you get the picture).

Kind of forgot all about it. Then I went to do some current account stuff on-line a few weeks later. And Robert's your father's brother ... £3,600 had been debited from my account. After the initial heart attack and a severe case of facial twitches had subsided, I remembered that I had applied for the ISA.

So rang up NatWest to make sure it was them that had taken the money out ... and politely enquired whether they thought it would be a good idea in future to let customers know:
a) they had become a customer
b) notify you that they had taken money out of your account

A simple text message, an e-mail or God forbid ... a letter just to let someone know about taking money out of your account: too much?

So you can take all your TV brand marketing, media spend and sponsorships and put them to one side. Just a little more care about what a customer needs and an understanding of moments of truth for a brand would go a long way.

What a donkey

Well, another year and another London marathon. Well, not quite ...

This year was slightly different as a mate of mine, Peter Muffett, decided to: a) run a marathon for the first time, and b) wear a really heavy donkey costume.

You had to feel sorry for the poor sod as he was overtaken by a dust cart on Tower Bridge - he took something like 5 hours to get there and that was less than half-way!

Think he's till running ... so if you've got a spare few quid, go to the charity site he's running for and give what you can.

Good on yer, Muff - you mad bastard.

Why do I love comparethemeerkat campaign? Simples

I suppose, like many, my first reaction to Alexandr was: "what on earth is going on here?".

But it's actually brilliant on many layers:

1) I defy you to tell me that you have not heard someone repeat the phrase "compare the meerkat.com" or "Simples" during your normal waking day ... catchy: and you just have to look at the insurance masters, Churchill and Direct Line, to twig the importance.

2) Research has shown that there is one overarching flaw common to all the price comparison sites = no personality, no humanity ... just a series of rational statements that you could copy and paste onto each other; here's a breath of fresh air and a hugely distinctive brand in the making.

3) It has recognised that it doesn't have to repeat all the functional benefits of PCWs ... it lets the others tell you what PCWs do and borrows all these assets by inference.

4) They've managed to challenge the core convention of insurance = making something so bloody dull actually quite amusing. Comparethemeerkat.com exists and will put a smile on your face

5) It has over 12K followers on Twitter

6) Nearly 370,000 fans on Facebook!

7) It's got legs ... Sergei (Head of IT) is up next!

8) It's still got banners through to the insurance site ... so it's not a complete brand whim.

Just love it.

Social networks ... don't be a Billy No-Mates!

Was having a rummage around some blogs this morning and came across a new one (well, new in so far as I haven't seen it before) from Brian Solis ... well worth a squizz.

Now the Conversation Prism in the blog (dodgy marketing-speak?) is useful in terms of mapping all the areas one might consider touching people ... but it'll also scare the hell out of those who have to operate in the digital world for a living. So before I go onto my point, try using it in conjunction with his Essential Guide to Social Media, rather than just looking at it in isolation.

Anyway. The complexity of the charts used serve as a useful segue to conversations I have been having with clients and colleagues = simplifying the rules of engagement for brands in social networks.

And there seem to be two common denominators ... and let's face it, these are also the key tenets for any normal conversation you might have in the real world. So if you're not doing this, you're likely to be Billy No-Mates (in which case you've got better things to do/learn than read this blog):

1. Be interesting:
- this is obviously requires some understanding of who you are talking to ... if you're not tapping into a particular passion that the network shares, you're dead in the water and doing more damage to your brand than good
- and being interesting doesn't mean rattling on about your product or service; someone who just talks about themselves in the real world is not a social success so why on earth do you suppose it'll be different in on-line social networks?!
- so pick common ground ... simple Venn diagram will plot the overlaps easily enough, so let's take an example: mobile phones, why not talk about your design process ... what are the design stimuli, what ideas were discarded, what frustrations do you go through, is there anything you're trying to emulate in the big wide world, what's your definition of success?

and/or

2. Be useful:
- there are plenty of ways of a brand playing a role in social networks, even those that on the face of it are "dull" service providers. Let's take any brand that is all about saving money (like Asda or Swift Cover) ... Asda have just launched a "Save Money" initiative on YouTube where everyone is invited to share their ideas.
- Swift Cover are using Iggy Pop (slightly odd, but let's go with it) ... so it's all about saving time: that seems a rich territory for them to explore ... God knows most of us wouldn't mind a series of tips on how to save time in all walks of life
- so whilst not necessarily interesting in an entertaining or slapping your thigh with joy sort of way ... useful, linked to the brand proposition but not flogging the product

Now I know there are other pointers like listening, being open and honest ... but these vanilla tips that don't really help that much.

Now folks, rip it apart. As long as you either interesting or useful when you do it.

What do they do with school buses?

I came across an article by dear old Blunkett in the Telegraph ... saying we should have the American-style yellow school buses ... and to make it affordable, parents should pay £1-£2 per day.

Mmm, right ... so why the American style buses? Actually I shouldn't get sucked into that line of question - the proposal is just idiotic. A better question starts with an observation: The buses drop off the kids at 9ish ... then re-appear at 3ish to drop them off. Then disappear again.

So what the hell do they do with these public assets in the meantime? Couldn't they be used for the rest of, mmm what's the phrase... the tax-paying public. Oh my God, you can't do that ... it says school bus on the side, so that's it - back to the garage!

So leveraging that asset for the rest of the public outside these hours is ridiculous - we would rather park them up, not use them and run the public buses into the ground.

Mind you, I shouldn't bitch about it ... we might end up Red Ken and those bloody stupid snake buses he got for London instead. So instead of asking parents to shell out (for getting another bloody import) and having no access to them, why not let us use what we've already got? I think they might call it value creation ... something completely foreign to our darling politicians.

Simple brand engagement ... take a bow Asda

So just rummaging through the assortment of subscription e-mails I get ... and stumble across one from Marketing Week.

Asda has launched "Saving you Money" on Youtube. They've kick started with some suggestions but it's powered by your everyday punter ... the link to the brand is obvious: everyday savings.

Very simple but at last a big brand that normally spends its money on TV actually engaging customers and prospects alike in a social network environment ... and all because they're not so archaic as to think you have to flog the brand and its products.

So something that's useful and interesting: two key tenets for a brand that wants to participate in a social network ... and the financial risk? Let's face it, it'll be pretty much zero.

So all you brand managers out there ... what's your version?