Oi Virgin, get back to basic values ...

So, just rung up Virgin Holidays to check something out and pay off the balance due.

Foreign call centre beckons ... and I'm sorry but it's torture: the guys are obviously trying hard but I'm still unconvinced I understood everything which is a worry as I am about to pay out the best part of 3 grand.

Anyway that's not the point. The basic values:
a) recognition of a customer based on what you know about them
b) demonstrate that the customer has at least some value to you
c) at least be seen to be trying

So I'm taking my daughter over to the West Indies. She's 14 but is classed as an adult for tariff purposes. When I'm chatting to the fella on the phone, he refers to a "2 adult" booking; I clarify that the 2nd person is my 14 year old daughter, not an adult (which they should know because they ask the age at booking stage). So I'm assuming (stupid bloke that I am) that there are two beds ... apparently not; only one bed - a special request has to go to hotel to cater for 2 beds. Bring back estate agents is what I say: they would have known that the room (an upgrade I may add) would not have been suitable ... actually not rocket science for the website to have worked that out, especially as they have asked the ages of the travellers ... or maybe they just think I have got a child bride! And Virgin are meant to be consumer champions - yeah right!

Then payment due date crops up; I tell them that I am not paying until I know that I have 2 proper beds in the room ... potential problem as I am informed that the balance is due as I have to pay 10 weeks before holiday starts. I then read out their own terms and conditions in the booking confirmation e-mail = payment due 8 weeks before departure; this seems to land on deaf ears ... No, it's 10 weeks I'm told (and this goes back and forward for a while) ... red mist descends but I manage not to lose it completely.

Am then told I have to ring back during the week to see if bed request has been successful as customer services staff don't work week-ends. OK, let's see how many things are wrong with that statement: a) I have to ring back - they're not calling me, b) they've got staff there to take your money at the week-end but no-one to resolve the problem, c) I am going to have to go through the same set of questions before I get an answer (well that's just dandy, 'cos I have nothing better to do with my time!), d) the travel industry is suffering in this recession ... you would have thought, they might be wanting to do everything to get the sale.

No wonder there's a clamour by consumers for a return to basic values ... and it's not just the recession. It's piss-poor customer service made worse when it's a brand that purports to be on your side ... when they are just replicas of the faceless corporates they claim to be challenging!

The devil's in the detail

So it's been ISA season recently. Whilst all the rates were so small as to be practically invisible, I couldn't really think of anything better to do, so I had a scout around.

Ended up plumping for a Natwest Cash ISA - extra bonus for customers, so I thought it was rude not to.

Did all the application malarky on-line, received an application pack to sign (they'd managed to get the wrong account number on the form!) and sent it off.

Waited for confirmation of the account being opened ... and waited ... and grew a beard ... and waited ... and went on a year's round the world trip ... and waited (you get the picture).

Kind of forgot all about it. Then I went to do some current account stuff on-line a few weeks later. And Robert's your father's brother ... £3,600 had been debited from my account. After the initial heart attack and a severe case of facial twitches had subsided, I remembered that I had applied for the ISA.

So rang up NatWest to make sure it was them that had taken the money out ... and politely enquired whether they thought it would be a good idea in future to let customers know:
a) they had become a customer
b) notify you that they had taken money out of your account

A simple text message, an e-mail or God forbid ... a letter just to let someone know about taking money out of your account: too much?

So you can take all your TV brand marketing, media spend and sponsorships and put them to one side. Just a little more care about what a customer needs and an understanding of moments of truth for a brand would go a long way.

What a donkey

Well, another year and another London marathon. Well, not quite ...

This year was slightly different as a mate of mine, Peter Muffett, decided to: a) run a marathon for the first time, and b) wear a really heavy donkey costume.

You had to feel sorry for the poor sod as he was overtaken by a dust cart on Tower Bridge - he took something like 5 hours to get there and that was less than half-way!

Think he's till running ... so if you've got a spare few quid, go to the charity site he's running for and give what you can.

Good on yer, Muff - you mad bastard.

Why do I love comparethemeerkat campaign? Simples

I suppose, like many, my first reaction to Alexandr was: "what on earth is going on here?".

But it's actually brilliant on many layers:

1) I defy you to tell me that you have not heard someone repeat the phrase "compare the meerkat.com" or "Simples" during your normal waking day ... catchy: and you just have to look at the insurance masters, Churchill and Direct Line, to twig the importance.

2) Research has shown that there is one overarching flaw common to all the price comparison sites = no personality, no humanity ... just a series of rational statements that you could copy and paste onto each other; here's a breath of fresh air and a hugely distinctive brand in the making.

3) It has recognised that it doesn't have to repeat all the functional benefits of PCWs ... it lets the others tell you what PCWs do and borrows all these assets by inference.

4) They've managed to challenge the core convention of insurance = making something so bloody dull actually quite amusing. Comparethemeerkat.com exists and will put a smile on your face

5) It has over 12K followers on Twitter

6) Nearly 370,000 fans on Facebook!

7) It's got legs ... Sergei (Head of IT) is up next!

8) It's still got banners through to the insurance site ... so it's not a complete brand whim.

Just love it.

Social networks ... don't be a Billy No-Mates!

Was having a rummage around some blogs this morning and came across a new one (well, new in so far as I haven't seen it before) from Brian Solis ... well worth a squizz.

Now the Conversation Prism in the blog (dodgy marketing-speak?) is useful in terms of mapping all the areas one might consider touching people ... but it'll also scare the hell out of those who have to operate in the digital world for a living. So before I go onto my point, try using it in conjunction with his Essential Guide to Social Media, rather than just looking at it in isolation.

Anyway. The complexity of the charts used serve as a useful segue to conversations I have been having with clients and colleagues = simplifying the rules of engagement for brands in social networks.

And there seem to be two common denominators ... and let's face it, these are also the key tenets for any normal conversation you might have in the real world. So if you're not doing this, you're likely to be Billy No-Mates (in which case you've got better things to do/learn than read this blog):

1. Be interesting:
- this is obviously requires some understanding of who you are talking to ... if you're not tapping into a particular passion that the network shares, you're dead in the water and doing more damage to your brand than good
- and being interesting doesn't mean rattling on about your product or service; someone who just talks about themselves in the real world is not a social success so why on earth do you suppose it'll be different in on-line social networks?!
- so pick common ground ... simple Venn diagram will plot the overlaps easily enough, so let's take an example: mobile phones, why not talk about your design process ... what are the design stimuli, what ideas were discarded, what frustrations do you go through, is there anything you're trying to emulate in the big wide world, what's your definition of success?

and/or

2. Be useful:
- there are plenty of ways of a brand playing a role in social networks, even those that on the face of it are "dull" service providers. Let's take any brand that is all about saving money (like Asda or Swift Cover) ... Asda have just launched a "Save Money" initiative on YouTube where everyone is invited to share their ideas.
- Swift Cover are using Iggy Pop (slightly odd, but let's go with it) ... so it's all about saving time: that seems a rich territory for them to explore ... God knows most of us wouldn't mind a series of tips on how to save time in all walks of life
- so whilst not necessarily interesting in an entertaining or slapping your thigh with joy sort of way ... useful, linked to the brand proposition but not flogging the product

Now I know there are other pointers like listening, being open and honest ... but these vanilla tips that don't really help that much.

Now folks, rip it apart. As long as you either interesting or useful when you do it.

What do they do with school buses?

I came across an article by dear old Blunkett in the Telegraph ... saying we should have the American-style yellow school buses ... and to make it affordable, parents should pay £1-£2 per day.

Mmm, right ... so why the American style buses? Actually I shouldn't get sucked into that line of question - the proposal is just idiotic. A better question starts with an observation: The buses drop off the kids at 9ish ... then re-appear at 3ish to drop them off. Then disappear again.

So what the hell do they do with these public assets in the meantime? Couldn't they be used for the rest of, mmm what's the phrase... the tax-paying public. Oh my God, you can't do that ... it says school bus on the side, so that's it - back to the garage!

So leveraging that asset for the rest of the public outside these hours is ridiculous - we would rather park them up, not use them and run the public buses into the ground.

Mind you, I shouldn't bitch about it ... we might end up Red Ken and those bloody stupid snake buses he got for London instead. So instead of asking parents to shell out (for getting another bloody import) and having no access to them, why not let us use what we've already got? I think they might call it value creation ... something completely foreign to our darling politicians.

Simple brand engagement ... take a bow Asda

So just rummaging through the assortment of subscription e-mails I get ... and stumble across one from Marketing Week.

Asda has launched "Saving you Money" on Youtube. They've kick started with some suggestions but it's powered by your everyday punter ... the link to the brand is obvious: everyday savings.

Very simple but at last a big brand that normally spends its money on TV actually engaging customers and prospects alike in a social network environment ... and all because they're not so archaic as to think you have to flog the brand and its products.

So something that's useful and interesting: two key tenets for a brand that wants to participate in a social network ... and the financial risk? Let's face it, it'll be pretty much zero.

So all you brand managers out there ... what's your version?

Monetising peer-to-peer activity

Well, here's the new $64 question in the communications industry. I was prompted to write this particular note when I read David Cushman's blog on the diminishing trust that punters have in brand comm.s.

And I've come across Edelman's "trust barometers" before, but I seem to be hitting the same brick wall with clients time and again. It goes something along the lines of:

"Yeah, Chris, I understand the reports and I would love for customers to recommend our brand, but how do you measure this success? Buzz Metrics may show more positive chat about a brand, but how do you turn that into money? I know what I'll get out of a press ad but not out of creating content and amplifying that content ... and the times they way they are, I have to account for every penny."

Does this seem familiar to anyone? So what's the answer? Not sure I have the answer, but here are a few thoughts:
i) Is it looking at another 'verbal' metric like Net Promoter Score ... so tracking buzz over time and seeing how other marketing activities improve over time: is there a correlation?
ii) Breaking the 'conversations' down into component parts: so crowdsourcing gives you quite a lot of feedback: what would the equivalent research budget be? Do the ideas generated results in brand activity/new products ... so what's the value there?
iii) Is it simply eyeballs seeing positive statements about the brand? Is there a metric for how much more likely someone is to buy something on the say-so of a mate v. on the back of brand communications?

I'll keep plugging along, but if I'm being dumb and this has been cracked, then drop me a line.

What's your brand glue?

No, I haven't been sniffing it and it isn't a typo ... brand glue: every brand should have it but few do. Some call it brand engagement but examples of that tend to be a bit too campaign based and lack longevity.

Now, there are quite a few sceptics of "brand engagement" ... apparently no-one wants to engage with a brand - just with each other, so all a brand should do is facilitate networking ... and nothing else. But I think they're falling foul of just dealing with semantics and rebelling against buzz words.

Let's take Nike + ... sure it facilitates networking, but it's also a very personal tool for users; and this is brand glue. It gives me a reason to use a facility or tool that I find useful ... but is linked to the host brand product.

So when you're creating customer or prospect programmes, ask yourself what communications, content or tools can you provide your target audience that will, in some part, stay in touch with the brand until they're ready to purchase ... and this is not the typical selling or MGM communications.

Ask yourself: "how can I be useful" outside purchasing mode to keep yourself top of mind. Nike, Johnson and Johnson and Huggies have done it successfully ... despite the nay-sayers.

Bankers ... or just footballers under a different guise?

So being a young "about town" dude, I spent a couple of hours on Saturday night watching a re-run of the HBOS/RBS quartet being grilled by the Treasury committee (Note to self: get a life!).
Other than Sir Tom McKillop (the ex-RBS chairman) being asked whether he had taken legal advice for a charge of criminal negligence (ouch), I am not sure it revealed anything particularly interesting.

But it's clear that us ordinary mortals are a little irritated by news of bonuses being awarded to various folk from banks as pointed out by Jon Howard. The answer that came back from Lord Turner on the Andrew Marr show this morning was along the lines of :"we have to attract talented people, so getting rid of bonuses would be counter-productive".

OK, so what will change? Answer - fuck all. There'll still be large cash sums/pension contributions paid irrespective of performance. Now I, like most others, only get bonuses based on company performance ... company does well = employees do well. It's a basic maths equation that seems to be overlooked by these financial bods.

But the thing that bothers me most is: why are bonuses paid out in cash rather than shares/share options ... the senior folk at companies are judged on shareholder return (which means share value and level of dividends), so why aren't there bonuses inextricably linked to this metric? I suspect this would mean that the level of bonuses would be smaller or more difficult to achieve ... well, tough shit.

Or even easier ... just give them a higher salary: because the current bonus structure doesn't seem to be really based on above-expectation performance.

Or are the senior finance bods just the commercial equivalent of footballers ... doesn't matter what they do, they still get paid a bloody fortune.

The old left, right again

A smidge of excitement mounts as it's time for a new mobile phone ... excellent, it's like a mini birthday present.

So I decide to go with Vodafone. Virgin, my current provider, obviously think it's better to spend £100+ to get a new customer than spend less than that to keep me.

So look on the web, find what I want and then give Vodafone a call ... good so far, offer is still remains the same between the two channels. Onto delivery ... they won't deliver to my office; for security reasons they have to deliver to my home. But I have to work so I have to wait a week and stay in next Saturday for delivery.

Bang has just gone the 'honeymoon' period. So why can't I pick up the phone in one of their stores, local to my office?

"Oh no Sir, I'm sure you appreciate that we have our security precautions."

Not when it's inconvenient and I could take proof of residence like bills or passport, credit cards etc. into of their stores. They seem to be OK security measures for other companies.

C'mon, let's not have the left hand and the right hand not connecting! This is not exactly new news as I covered another instance on my company's blog.

Get rid of these silos and think about the customer journey. 'Cos I'm almost thinking ... might cancel and go with comparable O2 offer.

I wish I was on the wagon ...

Oh dear, a little too much drink too quickly last night ... so nothing terribly intellectual today.

Always wondered where "on the wagon "came from. There seem to be various definitions so I'll choose the one I like - well, "it is my party and I'll do what I want to" ... you'll have to be my age to know where that lyric comes from. So here goes ...

In days of yore, those folk who were being lead to the gallows through the centre of London were given drinks from pubs en route ... they walked behind a carriage/wagon to which they were tethered . The only person not allowed to have a drink was the "prison officer" who was driving the wagon ...

Hence "on the wagon" meaning ... not drinking.

C'mon Airlines, get with it

So the snow arrives and the UK goes into a tailspin.

3 of the girls in the office were due to fly out today from Luton to go skiing ... so much gnashing of teeth when they couldn't get through to the airline this morning to find out whether the flight was cancelled.

Let's face it, there's a real easy way of defusing this angst. They booked on-line so your e-mail is captured when booking, so the airline know your e-mail and what flight you're on.

So why not a simple e-mail (or text message) to the girls giving them an update rather than letting the phone ring off the hook and irritating customers.

So c'mon, what about a little proactivity! It would cost less and customers are happier ... or am I missing something?

PS. EasyJet actually offer the service, but it's not automatic ... you have to tell them.

Energising your advocates ...

Recently read Forrester's Groundswell book ... definitely worth a read: just opens up a different way of approaching marketing problems. We've been doing off-line versions of identifying advocates for ages ... the old Member-get-Member (MGM) programmes. But they always seem to be tactical "dip in and out" initiatives.

So when I came across the article about Lulu Community Centre on Forrester, it got me thinking a little bit more.

Now there are various initiatives that I've discussed with clients but that's a confidential, so I'll apply the same approach to a sector where we don't have a client ... petfood (this is a different slant to one of the case histories in Groundswell).

Identifying potential advocates is fairly simple ... via purchase data, on-pack promotions, buzz metrics, the aforesaid MGM technique (and preferably all four). So next step is getting them involved in how a brand and its products evolve ... ideas for new SKUs, new products, what others are doing that they think is worth knowing, testing new products (and the list goes on). So, why would pet owners want to do this:

Well, 'valuing my opinion' is one of my 6 key customer loyalty tenets: buy me a beer and you can have the other 5 ... yeah, I know I'm cheap. Anyway back to the blog ... so massaging ego is one reason (and watch those fingers type and tongues wag when these guys get going), tapping into a passion point like their dog or cat is another. But what else?

A more tangible 'reward' perhaps something different to the norm ... like a dedicated line of petfood for these customers. So a line/flavour (preferbaly an identified favourite of the advocates that is not available in retail outlets but just sold direct (yes, sold not given away) ... just wonder what that would do to word-of-mouth and see how those advocate numbers might grow as more want to be involved.

And could it be a different way to launch new lines: build customer demand through advocates by selling direct and then potentially switching to the retail channel. Being careful to replace that line with a new exclusive line for the advocates.

Might go and find out ... always liked dogs.

Is the brand wheel, onion, doughnut really that useful?

Perhaps a somewhat heretical question coming from a planner, but challenging convention is seldom a bad thing.

Now having seen (and done) a countless number of these "precious" brand assets, I really am starting to question their use v. other approaches.

Yes, I think the brand essence is a useful tool in setting a benchmark for communications but frankly there tends to be so many words (personality and values) that surround it that you'd really be hard pressed to work out what the hell a brand's focus is ... and I mean beyond simply communications - it just seems to end up being a catch-all set of sentiments to pacify all the stakeholders. Yes, I know you use them to get to the essence, but my point is that they then become pretty redundant ... and therefore so does the wheel.

Why have such a generic tool? An alternative to the "onion layers" is the 5Es: economy, ease, expertise, empathy, experience. Particularly useful for service sectors such as finance, utilities etc.

By focusing on these elements, it is a hell of a lot easier and clearer to all stakeholders which areas the brand is seeking to excel in (and I mean stakeholders that are not necessarily marketing folk). When I have done Net Promoter Score (NPS) research on financial companies, it is no fluke that companies such as First Direct, The Co-operative and Nationwide score well.

It is clear they have a particular focus on one or two of the Es (I'll leave it to you to pick them) ... the others major institutions are non-descript because they simply do not have sufficient focus (in all stakeholder departments) on what they stand for ... but I bet you they all have brand wheels, onions (and all the other descriptors) coming out their ears.

PS. Before someone gets on their high horse ... 5Es is not my idea. I believe it emanates from one of the big consultancies. Shame on us agency planners for not thinking of this and just re-inventing the wheel (sorry, couldn't resist it!) so that we can pretend it's really that different/better to anyone else's!

Customer-centric? Let's see ...

When I tripped over this particular anecdote, it reminded me of loads of meetings that I've been in (yes, I'm getting on a bit) and keep hearing the phrase "Customer-centric marketing".

Let's see how many companies fall at the first hurdle ... posing the following question to a customer or site visitor: "how would you like us to keep in touch with you: mail, e-mail etc, etc ?"
So what would a company say, or at least think to that - something along the lines of:

"Good God, that means we'll have to do what customers want ... well ,we'll go as far bunging them an incentive to purchase but that kind of thing opens a can of worms: that's not easy and may cost a load of money having more than one channel communication at any one time".

So please, don't use the phrase if you can't get past this first hurdle. I have also seen more focus groups than soft mick ... and the amount of times I've heard people raise this is unreal.

So c'mon, be brave, be wise, be customer-centric.

Creating value in cinemas

Was having a chat with a colleague ... or was it a client - I'll soon find out when they accuse me f nicking the idea! Anyway aforementioned client/colleague was talking about the experience in quite a few Aussie cinemas which I thought was simple but neat.

You can get at-seat service ... a sort of concierge service. So you don't have to go through that long queue for a hot dog (a personal weakness) ... or anything else that's hot and unhealthy.

You just go straight to designated seats and the order is taken ... and if you run out of stuff (don't the films seem to be getting longer!), you don't have to abstain or miss part of the film.

Just their version of an airline's or train's trolley service (and can you remember when the ice cream lady used appear in cinemas in days of yore ... mmm?). With revitalised cinema audiences, it's something worth thinking about ... generating extra income by creating value is always a good thing.

Out of the mouths of babes ...

So my daughter hands over her school report somewhat sheepishly ... oh dear, here we go!

The normal array of the cliched and familiar teacher comments ... "must try harder, lacks focus, too much chat in class", so I ask my daughter:

"So what do you think school is about? Why do you think you go to school?"

After a brief pause for reflection, the answer comes back:

"I go to school to socialise".

I'll get my coat.

A drop in the ocean ... but it's still my money

I haven't really bothered looking too hard at my mortgage payments as I'm on a fixed term. But I thought I'd take a quick gander last night.

Ploughing through 7-8 pages (note to self: see if you can get electronic statements), I came across an early repayment charge of £10 from Cheltenham and Gloucester. Now whilst I owe gazillions, I thought: "Hold on, not like me to be early with anything, let alone giving money to my mortgage company."

Did I send off a cheque in some Xmas drunken stupour? Nah, more likely to have passed out than dig my cheque book out. And all my payments, like anyone else, are on direct debit.

So am I being charged because C&G have taken too much money on the direct debit?! A bit of a double whammy, methinks. Now whilst the internet is the dog's, there's nothing like the phone to make a point, so excuse me whilst I find out where my drinking money has gone.

The Left Hand, Right Hand Syndrome

That time of the year when the daughter is jumping up and down wanting a phone upgrade ... and of course it's got nothing to do with the new designs on offer! "Dad – it’s got nothing to do with the look of the phone ... it just the one I’ve got doesn’t work properly" says Pinnochio.

Anyway I digress …

This conversation has been prompted by a text to my daughter's phone (not me the 'owner' ... tut tut !!) saying she's eligible for an upgrade. So imagine my surprise ... OK my dismay, when "the computer, it says No" (aka T-Mobile website). Christ it's like a script from Little Britain!

Or in this day and age of multiple touchpoints, let's call it the 'Left Hand, Right Hand Syndrome'.

So already slightly on edge, I phone the customer 'services' line. They say: "cos you’re such a great customer, we’d be happy to upgrade the phone and change the tariff" … OK, so obviously talking to the left hand which is turning out to be nice and friendly. Also I'll get the turbo charged memory card that's on offer on the site.

Package arrives next day, but no memory card … Now, I was going to let it drop but then pride kicked in: let’s face it, little worse in life than Dad failing in the eyes of a daughter.

So back on the phone ... it's the dreaded right hand: “No sir, you’re not eligible for the memory card – that’s an internet offer only”.

Some gnashing of teeth: “I was offered this yesterday by one of your colleagues” says me.

“Nothing I can do sir, it’s an internet only deal” says right hand.

Handset finds its way somewhat forcefully back onto the receiver and I start doing a version of a psychotic raindance. Anyway, back onto their site and send off e-mail asking them quite politely:

“Are you mad? I've spent over £1,000 with you lot and you're quibbling about something that'll cost you c. £2!!".

Obviously there is no indicator whether this has been dleivered to the left or the right hand!

In the meantime, go and buy a memory card from T-mobile site – they can always rebate the cost if the e-mail arrives in the left hand's inbox.

The sky is black with hats: it’s left hand sending an e-mail:

”Terribly sorry, you’re wonderful (OK, a bit of poetic license there), memory card in the post”.

Now I have 2 memory cards with the one I bought being credited so I seem to have got a free card … so all’s well that ends well.

A couple of thoughts (for those companies suffering from this syndrome which will be a fair few)

Some brands seem to think that customers only use one channel, never two … or can’t be bothered with those of us who do. Don’t make it difficult for us ‘cos you’ll lose … get some buzz metrics in place and you’ll see lots of people like me ranting, reviewing and scoring … and guess what: others are more likely to listen to me than you, Mr Brand Manager.

If it's too expensive for a single customer view, then for the love of a good curry, please recognise your most meaningful punters and get a dedicated retention team in place so we can get a nice big warm feeling … after all in today's day and age: it’s all about me, me, me.