A drop in the ocean ... but it's still my money

I haven't really bothered looking too hard at my mortgage payments as I'm on a fixed term. But I thought I'd take a quick gander last night.

Ploughing through 7-8 pages (note to self: see if you can get electronic statements), I came across an early repayment charge of £10 from Cheltenham and Gloucester. Now whilst I owe gazillions, I thought: "Hold on, not like me to be early with anything, let alone giving money to my mortgage company."

Did I send off a cheque in some Xmas drunken stupour? Nah, more likely to have passed out than dig my cheque book out. And all my payments, like anyone else, are on direct debit.

So am I being charged because C&G have taken too much money on the direct debit?! A bit of a double whammy, methinks. Now whilst the internet is the dog's, there's nothing like the phone to make a point, so excuse me whilst I find out where my drinking money has gone.

The Left Hand, Right Hand Syndrome

That time of the year when the daughter is jumping up and down wanting a phone upgrade ... and of course it's got nothing to do with the new designs on offer! "Dad – it’s got nothing to do with the look of the phone ... it just the one I’ve got doesn’t work properly" says Pinnochio.

Anyway I digress …

This conversation has been prompted by a text to my daughter's phone (not me the 'owner' ... tut tut !!) saying she's eligible for an upgrade. So imagine my surprise ... OK my dismay, when "the computer, it says No" (aka T-Mobile website). Christ it's like a script from Little Britain!

Or in this day and age of multiple touchpoints, let's call it the 'Left Hand, Right Hand Syndrome'.

So already slightly on edge, I phone the customer 'services' line. They say: "cos you’re such a great customer, we’d be happy to upgrade the phone and change the tariff" … OK, so obviously talking to the left hand which is turning out to be nice and friendly. Also I'll get the turbo charged memory card that's on offer on the site.

Package arrives next day, but no memory card … Now, I was going to let it drop but then pride kicked in: let’s face it, little worse in life than Dad failing in the eyes of a daughter.

So back on the phone ... it's the dreaded right hand: “No sir, you’re not eligible for the memory card – that’s an internet offer only”.

Some gnashing of teeth: “I was offered this yesterday by one of your colleagues” says me.

“Nothing I can do sir, it’s an internet only deal” says right hand.

Handset finds its way somewhat forcefully back onto the receiver and I start doing a version of a psychotic raindance. Anyway, back onto their site and send off e-mail asking them quite politely:

“Are you mad? I've spent over £1,000 with you lot and you're quibbling about something that'll cost you c. £2!!".

Obviously there is no indicator whether this has been dleivered to the left or the right hand!

In the meantime, go and buy a memory card from T-mobile site – they can always rebate the cost if the e-mail arrives in the left hand's inbox.

The sky is black with hats: it’s left hand sending an e-mail:

”Terribly sorry, you’re wonderful (OK, a bit of poetic license there), memory card in the post”.

Now I have 2 memory cards with the one I bought being credited so I seem to have got a free card … so all’s well that ends well.

A couple of thoughts (for those companies suffering from this syndrome which will be a fair few)

Some brands seem to think that customers only use one channel, never two … or can’t be bothered with those of us who do. Don’t make it difficult for us ‘cos you’ll lose … get some buzz metrics in place and you’ll see lots of people like me ranting, reviewing and scoring … and guess what: others are more likely to listen to me than you, Mr Brand Manager.

If it's too expensive for a single customer view, then for the love of a good curry, please recognise your most meaningful punters and get a dedicated retention team in place so we can get a nice big warm feeling … after all in today's day and age: it’s all about me, me, me.

Cracking widget, Grommit

Our creative director, Becky, came across this widget from Sprint.

http://now.sprint.com/widget/

Really quite addictive and a nice piece of brand engagement.

British Gas: oh dear, oh dear

Rather than repeat coverage like that in the Mirror of the recent price drop, this is more of a case of how not to treat a customer ... when it would have been so easy to create an advocate rather than a detractor. It's an edited version of a recent blog I did on the Geronimo website (where I work, by the way).

Most of you will recognise this tale. Get first winter utility bill and say “How much? The thieving little … (sound of bleeps)”. So immediately onto the price comparison sites. Actually find out that I would save most with British Gas … slightly unusual as I am BG dual fuel customer!!! Apparently I am on the wrong tariff – which is confirmed by their call centre.

C’mon people, if this information is in the public domain … then how long do you think it’s gonna take for your customers to find out! And guess what …“ Taxi”. I’m off to someone else … even if it costs me a little more.

A thought on how they could have created an advocate:

What about BG approaching me in November offering to do a tariff review … so “go on-line and let’s see if we can ensure you’re on the right tariff” – even if it’s done on a test size to prove/disprove business case. So they’re proactive, customer-centric, and pre-empt the inevitable price comparison search ... but with more control rather reacting to an ill-tempered customer.

It makes you proud to be British

Like going to hospital, either as a patient or visiting someone? Nah, not much fun is it.

So, as reported in the Times, the relatively recent car park charges levied by NHS hospitals just makes an unpleasant experience that little bit worse. Justified by the suits as necessary income to help funding ... oh just do one!

But it actually gets worse ... let's take Kingston Hospital who have a pre-pay system. So pregnant friend of mine goes there for a check-up last week. Thinks: "right I have got an appointment scheduled for 2.30 ... 2.15 now, allow half hour over-run and add another 30 mins just in case" ('cos NHS appointments are always bang on time!). So 2 hours paid for ... in she goes and waits and waits and waits.

Thinks it's going to be touch and go but also aware that if she skips out to fill the meter, she might lose her place ... so bad enough someone that's 8 months pregnant is even to having to worry about this.

Back to her car 5-10 minutes late = £60 fine slapped on the windscreen. Good for the blood pressure!

Think the hospital suits must have sales promotion experience - it's sort of the equivalent of banking on non-redeemed prizes when budgeting. It's just this time they're banking on ... a) people overpaying, b) people being delayed ... or c) people not having the exact money (oh didn't I mention that the machines don't give change !) ... or all three. Kerrching!

Breaking down the silos

I find it amazing that those who build and run sites seem to think that the only way or the best way of interacting with potential purchasers and customers is on-line.

So finding a phone number to talk to someone is made unusually difficult in many cases - for instance try finding a way to get hold of someone from blogger.com, e-mail/phone or any other which way.

When selling something, which is kind of the point in the end analysis, human interaction (ie with a call centre) will tend to work best in terms of visit to sale conversion. And yet many sites must think it is a massive failure of the site if the visitor decides to call rsther than to transact on-line.

Kind of missing the point and getting caught up in a silo mentality that once someone is on-line the only answer is on-line.

A bit more thought and appreciating multi-channel touchpoints are a good thing would be a step forward. After all in moving from a push to pull marketing model, you should be providing what the visitor wants ... including the ability to talk.

And this is even more important when customers are involved ... the human touch seems to be something to be avoided by many, instead of something they should be embracing.

Favourite phrase

Nothing too heavy for a Sunday. Always loved the phrase:

'Keep abreast of what's afoot'

Any that have stuck with you?

Have the banks ever heard of NPS?

Whilst I don't believe Net Promter Score is by any means the only metric a brand should use, it does show what we all think ... that just about all the banks are much of a muchness.

When I carried out a bit of quant' research on the relative NPS of leading consumer banks... sure enough First Direct were way out ahead with Nationwide and Co-operative also scoring well - the other were nowhere to be seen, all logging minus figures.

Now when they're rebuilding, let's hope they do better with differentiating themselves and paying a bit more attention to individual customer preferences.

A start for them (and some other sectors) is to segue from these vanilla 'extras package' like the one offered on NatWest Gold to building personalised packages. They try to offer all things to all men and succeed in just giving a series of discounts on a) things you can easily get elsewhere, b) stuff that you're just not interested in.

Try taking a leaf out of O2's book = simple bolt-on options (like mobile banking or 1 month payment holiday when overdrawn ... put your mind to it and you can easily add to the list).

More to the point ... a little data capture to uncover the passions of their customers in order to serve a deeper set of benefits (rather than just a broad scatter-gun style of benefits). And above all engage with customers ... let them help build the benefits.

But I suspect that this represents just a little bit too much work ... too many times you see things which can be classified as 'it's easy, so let's do it'. It's not going to work anymore with the emerging power of peer-to-peer.

Give customers what they truly want and just watch those fingers type, mouths move and the herd starts moving ... the payback is free and 'trusted' advertising by an emerging band of advocates.

Extra bunce for school teachers

As with a lot of people, I think teachers are underpaid ... there always seem to be threats of strike when the pay deals are negotiated with the government, as reported by the Independent, but you step back and have to conclude that the school system seems to be its own worst enemy.

We've got a private tutor at the moment for my daughter on Maths ... 4 hours a week to bring her up to scratch. Have done it on English before as well. And it's not particularly cheap ... and it's not unusual - lots of parents do this.

So why is it that we can't pay the teachers at school to do it? More money for them ... they know the areas where the kids are weak ... and easy 'cos the kids can stay where they are.

Why? Because "that would show favouritism" according to one head teacher ... oh, I thought it would mean that the kids who need it are likely to do better ... that their own staff earn more and that the school would do better in its results.

In this day and age of schools being more responsible for their own budgets,they're really gonna have to learn how to leverage their assets better.

How the government profits from floods

Many parts of the country got hit last year, as reported by the Guardian. But when there is a series of floods in the UK next time around ... think on this from 2008 experience:

1. Amount the government proposed putting towards flood relief in 2008 = £85m

2. Estimated total flood bill for 2008 payable by insurers = £3bn
(About £3.25bn just from 2 months in 2007 according to Reuters)

3. Total VAT payment on these bills to the government = £525m

4. Total 'profit' to the government because of floods = £440m

5. And why can't they zero-rate flood-related bills? Because of an agreement at European level

6. Who agreed to that? Mmm, let me think ... I wonder if Alastair Darling knows how to rain dance?

So what about re-investing all 'profits' from these floods into defences ... so next time around, there's less damage, less heartache, less claims, smaller insurance premiums. It ain't exactly rocket science.

God (or anyone else) give me strength ...

So the credit bubble has burst - the economy has gone tits up and everyone seems to blaming the US economy, or just dropping the 'economy' bit and pointing a finger over the pond as to why it all happened.

And then I came across a briefing paper from the Adam Smith Institute written by Tim Ambler, which seems to conclude that more regulation in the credit industry isn't the answer ... instead that people in institutions like the Bank of England and the FSA should have their roles reformed, be monitored more closely and "should do the jobs they're supposed to do".

Now that's high powered thinking for you ... do their jobs better! The expression: "No shit, Sherlock!" springs to mind. Apparently it's the current strict regulation in other finanacial sectors that has resulted in financial organisation creating very complex products that no-one understands ... yup, I can just see all the guns pointed at their heads forcing them to do that.

And apparently bonuses paid to bankers (not sure about the spelling there) are needed for to "offset their natural tendency to risk avoidance" - right, because it was risk avoidance that landed us in this mess.

Leave it to the underwriters and their fat-cat bosses and we'll just end up in the same bloody mess sooner or later. You have to wonder what the hell this lot have been smoking!

Just wondering ...

Heard of the speed of light? Yeah, I thought so but ... what's the speed of dark?

Time is money ... holidays are more precious

As society has moved on ... more single people, more couples working, it seems that the retail distribution hasn't, at least for us city folk.

Does this ring a bell? Having to take a half-day off to accept a delivery of something you've bought ... or getting stuff delivered to work and then struggling through rush hour banging into people with your recent purchases.

But you have, in any given neighbourhood, empty premises (shops, offices, warehouses) which stay unoccupied. In fact, what about schools? Big and empty, must have areas they can cordon off. Couple these outlets with the younger folk trying to earn a crust working all hours in take-aways outlets like Mackie D's.

So hey, what about taking over empty premises and using them as depots ... employ those who are either desparate to get on the job ladder or youngsters in fast food outlets; deliver ordered goods into these shops/offices - keep them open until 10ish (so not that late).

I'd pay a premium not to have to take time off work and avoid the stress of carrying stuff in the rush hour? Surely someone's got to have a look at breaking this stupid distribution convention: a few companies getting together to get it off the ground? No? Too difficult? C'mon, at least scope it out.

Nice touch ...

Might be on my own here, but I just hate small change ... so there's a jar in the kitchen with loads of small coins. Problem is with this is that I just end up picking more and more of it as I never have change (of less than £1 denominations) on me when I'm out and about buying stuff.

So, pleasant suprise when I droppped into Esso to get some sweets. They had a little tray saying: "Short of a penny or two ... just help yourself" ... with 1p, 2p and 5p pieces in it. Idea is that visitors drop their change in it: a sort of each driver helps one another thing.

My bill came to 1.04p ... meaning ordinarily that I would walk out with 96p in change; but not this time ... not a big thing but a nice touch.

Someone's having a toffee crisp

Tripped over a blog on AIG by the FT and it kind fuelled a fire. So here goes ... to all those who were flogging AIG bonds last year, especially in Q2 and Q3 ... did you tell investors any of the following as part of your recommendation?:
- the previous chairman had been censured in 2005 and the company fined nearly £2bn
- their credit rating downgraded in the same year (now the route cause of their liquidity problem!!)
- AIG posted losses of over £20bn in Q1 of 2008
- that their exposure in the US housing market might be a slight cause of concern as that market had dipped by c. 14% in 2007

Any of you? Nah, didn't so ... too busy with your eyes on your own bottom line, rather than the bottom line of the investors you were 'advising'.

And before you ask ... no, I didn't buy any AIG stuff! A quick look at their recent pass and anyone who was even slightly cautious (understandable given the turbulence of last year) wouldn't have touched it with a toxic barge-pole.

Should I or shouldn't I ?

Is it just me or are there others who see a woman on the tube who looks pregnant and then desparately pretend not to have seen her?

And do you then furtively look around to see of there is a bloke sitting closer to the woman ... and then think ... ah that's OK, at least two blokes closer so I'll stay put.

What I keep telling myself: last time I offered my seat, she wasn't pregnant and I not only got an earful but also lost my seat.

No? Just me? I'll get my coat.