Oi Virgin, get back to basic values ...

So, just rung up Virgin Holidays to check something out and pay off the balance due.

Foreign call centre beckons ... and I'm sorry but it's torture: the guys are obviously trying hard but I'm still unconvinced I understood everything which is a worry as I am about to pay out the best part of 3 grand.

Anyway that's not the point. The basic values:
a) recognition of a customer based on what you know about them
b) demonstrate that the customer has at least some value to you
c) at least be seen to be trying

So I'm taking my daughter over to the West Indies. She's 14 but is classed as an adult for tariff purposes. When I'm chatting to the fella on the phone, he refers to a "2 adult" booking; I clarify that the 2nd person is my 14 year old daughter, not an adult (which they should know because they ask the age at booking stage). So I'm assuming (stupid bloke that I am) that there are two beds ... apparently not; only one bed - a special request has to go to hotel to cater for 2 beds. Bring back estate agents is what I say: they would have known that the room (an upgrade I may add) would not have been suitable ... actually not rocket science for the website to have worked that out, especially as they have asked the ages of the travellers ... or maybe they just think I have got a child bride! And Virgin are meant to be consumer champions - yeah right!

Then payment due date crops up; I tell them that I am not paying until I know that I have 2 proper beds in the room ... potential problem as I am informed that the balance is due as I have to pay 10 weeks before holiday starts. I then read out their own terms and conditions in the booking confirmation e-mail = payment due 8 weeks before departure; this seems to land on deaf ears ... No, it's 10 weeks I'm told (and this goes back and forward for a while) ... red mist descends but I manage not to lose it completely.

Am then told I have to ring back during the week to see if bed request has been successful as customer services staff don't work week-ends. OK, let's see how many things are wrong with that statement: a) I have to ring back - they're not calling me, b) they've got staff there to take your money at the week-end but no-one to resolve the problem, c) I am going to have to go through the same set of questions before I get an answer (well that's just dandy, 'cos I have nothing better to do with my time!), d) the travel industry is suffering in this recession ... you would have thought, they might be wanting to do everything to get the sale.

No wonder there's a clamour by consumers for a return to basic values ... and it's not just the recession. It's piss-poor customer service made worse when it's a brand that purports to be on your side ... when they are just replicas of the faceless corporates they claim to be challenging!

The devil's in the detail

So it's been ISA season recently. Whilst all the rates were so small as to be practically invisible, I couldn't really think of anything better to do, so I had a scout around.

Ended up plumping for a Natwest Cash ISA - extra bonus for customers, so I thought it was rude not to.

Did all the application malarky on-line, received an application pack to sign (they'd managed to get the wrong account number on the form!) and sent it off.

Waited for confirmation of the account being opened ... and waited ... and grew a beard ... and waited ... and went on a year's round the world trip ... and waited (you get the picture).

Kind of forgot all about it. Then I went to do some current account stuff on-line a few weeks later. And Robert's your father's brother ... £3,600 had been debited from my account. After the initial heart attack and a severe case of facial twitches had subsided, I remembered that I had applied for the ISA.

So rang up NatWest to make sure it was them that had taken the money out ... and politely enquired whether they thought it would be a good idea in future to let customers know:
a) they had become a customer
b) notify you that they had taken money out of your account

A simple text message, an e-mail or God forbid ... a letter just to let someone know about taking money out of your account: too much?

So you can take all your TV brand marketing, media spend and sponsorships and put them to one side. Just a little more care about what a customer needs and an understanding of moments of truth for a brand would go a long way.

What a donkey

Well, another year and another London marathon. Well, not quite ...

This year was slightly different as a mate of mine, Peter Muffett, decided to: a) run a marathon for the first time, and b) wear a really heavy donkey costume.

You had to feel sorry for the poor sod as he was overtaken by a dust cart on Tower Bridge - he took something like 5 hours to get there and that was less than half-way!

Think he's till running ... so if you've got a spare few quid, go to the charity site he's running for and give what you can.

Good on yer, Muff - you mad bastard.

Why do I love comparethemeerkat campaign? Simples

I suppose, like many, my first reaction to Alexandr was: "what on earth is going on here?".

But it's actually brilliant on many layers:

1) I defy you to tell me that you have not heard someone repeat the phrase "compare the meerkat.com" or "Simples" during your normal waking day ... catchy: and you just have to look at the insurance masters, Churchill and Direct Line, to twig the importance.

2) Research has shown that there is one overarching flaw common to all the price comparison sites = no personality, no humanity ... just a series of rational statements that you could copy and paste onto each other; here's a breath of fresh air and a hugely distinctive brand in the making.

3) It has recognised that it doesn't have to repeat all the functional benefits of PCWs ... it lets the others tell you what PCWs do and borrows all these assets by inference.

4) They've managed to challenge the core convention of insurance = making something so bloody dull actually quite amusing. Comparethemeerkat.com exists and will put a smile on your face

5) It has over 12K followers on Twitter

6) Nearly 370,000 fans on Facebook!

7) It's got legs ... Sergei (Head of IT) is up next!

8) It's still got banners through to the insurance site ... so it's not a complete brand whim.

Just love it.

Social networks ... don't be a Billy No-Mates!

Was having a rummage around some blogs this morning and came across a new one (well, new in so far as I haven't seen it before) from Brian Solis ... well worth a squizz.

Now the Conversation Prism in the blog (dodgy marketing-speak?) is useful in terms of mapping all the areas one might consider touching people ... but it'll also scare the hell out of those who have to operate in the digital world for a living. So before I go onto my point, try using it in conjunction with his Essential Guide to Social Media, rather than just looking at it in isolation.

Anyway. The complexity of the charts used serve as a useful segue to conversations I have been having with clients and colleagues = simplifying the rules of engagement for brands in social networks.

And there seem to be two common denominators ... and let's face it, these are also the key tenets for any normal conversation you might have in the real world. So if you're not doing this, you're likely to be Billy No-Mates (in which case you've got better things to do/learn than read this blog):

1. Be interesting:
- this is obviously requires some understanding of who you are talking to ... if you're not tapping into a particular passion that the network shares, you're dead in the water and doing more damage to your brand than good
- and being interesting doesn't mean rattling on about your product or service; someone who just talks about themselves in the real world is not a social success so why on earth do you suppose it'll be different in on-line social networks?!
- so pick common ground ... simple Venn diagram will plot the overlaps easily enough, so let's take an example: mobile phones, why not talk about your design process ... what are the design stimuli, what ideas were discarded, what frustrations do you go through, is there anything you're trying to emulate in the big wide world, what's your definition of success?

and/or

2. Be useful:
- there are plenty of ways of a brand playing a role in social networks, even those that on the face of it are "dull" service providers. Let's take any brand that is all about saving money (like Asda or Swift Cover) ... Asda have just launched a "Save Money" initiative on YouTube where everyone is invited to share their ideas.
- Swift Cover are using Iggy Pop (slightly odd, but let's go with it) ... so it's all about saving time: that seems a rich territory for them to explore ... God knows most of us wouldn't mind a series of tips on how to save time in all walks of life
- so whilst not necessarily interesting in an entertaining or slapping your thigh with joy sort of way ... useful, linked to the brand proposition but not flogging the product

Now I know there are other pointers like listening, being open and honest ... but these vanilla tips that don't really help that much.

Now folks, rip it apart. As long as you either interesting or useful when you do it.

What do they do with school buses?

I came across an article by dear old Blunkett in the Telegraph ... saying we should have the American-style yellow school buses ... and to make it affordable, parents should pay £1-£2 per day.

Mmm, right ... so why the American style buses? Actually I shouldn't get sucked into that line of question - the proposal is just idiotic. A better question starts with an observation: The buses drop off the kids at 9ish ... then re-appear at 3ish to drop them off. Then disappear again.

So what the hell do they do with these public assets in the meantime? Couldn't they be used for the rest of, mmm what's the phrase... the tax-paying public. Oh my God, you can't do that ... it says school bus on the side, so that's it - back to the garage!

So leveraging that asset for the rest of the public outside these hours is ridiculous - we would rather park them up, not use them and run the public buses into the ground.

Mind you, I shouldn't bitch about it ... we might end up Red Ken and those bloody stupid snake buses he got for London instead. So instead of asking parents to shell out (for getting another bloody import) and having no access to them, why not let us use what we've already got? I think they might call it value creation ... something completely foreign to our darling politicians.

Simple brand engagement ... take a bow Asda

So just rummaging through the assortment of subscription e-mails I get ... and stumble across one from Marketing Week.

Asda has launched "Saving you Money" on Youtube. They've kick started with some suggestions but it's powered by your everyday punter ... the link to the brand is obvious: everyday savings.

Very simple but at last a big brand that normally spends its money on TV actually engaging customers and prospects alike in a social network environment ... and all because they're not so archaic as to think you have to flog the brand and its products.

So something that's useful and interesting: two key tenets for a brand that wants to participate in a social network ... and the financial risk? Let's face it, it'll be pretty much zero.

So all you brand managers out there ... what's your version?

Monetising peer-to-peer activity

Well, here's the new $64 question in the communications industry. I was prompted to write this particular note when I read David Cushman's blog on the diminishing trust that punters have in brand comm.s.

And I've come across Edelman's "trust barometers" before, but I seem to be hitting the same brick wall with clients time and again. It goes something along the lines of:

"Yeah, Chris, I understand the reports and I would love for customers to recommend our brand, but how do you measure this success? Buzz Metrics may show more positive chat about a brand, but how do you turn that into money? I know what I'll get out of a press ad but not out of creating content and amplifying that content ... and the times they way they are, I have to account for every penny."

Does this seem familiar to anyone? So what's the answer? Not sure I have the answer, but here are a few thoughts:
i) Is it looking at another 'verbal' metric like Net Promoter Score ... so tracking buzz over time and seeing how other marketing activities improve over time: is there a correlation?
ii) Breaking the 'conversations' down into component parts: so crowdsourcing gives you quite a lot of feedback: what would the equivalent research budget be? Do the ideas generated results in brand activity/new products ... so what's the value there?
iii) Is it simply eyeballs seeing positive statements about the brand? Is there a metric for how much more likely someone is to buy something on the say-so of a mate v. on the back of brand communications?

I'll keep plugging along, but if I'm being dumb and this has been cracked, then drop me a line.

What's your brand glue?

No, I haven't been sniffing it and it isn't a typo ... brand glue: every brand should have it but few do. Some call it brand engagement but examples of that tend to be a bit too campaign based and lack longevity.

Now, there are quite a few sceptics of "brand engagement" ... apparently no-one wants to engage with a brand - just with each other, so all a brand should do is facilitate networking ... and nothing else. But I think they're falling foul of just dealing with semantics and rebelling against buzz words.

Let's take Nike + ... sure it facilitates networking, but it's also a very personal tool for users; and this is brand glue. It gives me a reason to use a facility or tool that I find useful ... but is linked to the host brand product.

So when you're creating customer or prospect programmes, ask yourself what communications, content or tools can you provide your target audience that will, in some part, stay in touch with the brand until they're ready to purchase ... and this is not the typical selling or MGM communications.

Ask yourself: "how can I be useful" outside purchasing mode to keep yourself top of mind. Nike, Johnson and Johnson and Huggies have done it successfully ... despite the nay-sayers.

Bankers ... or just footballers under a different guise?

So being a young "about town" dude, I spent a couple of hours on Saturday night watching a re-run of the HBOS/RBS quartet being grilled by the Treasury committee (Note to self: get a life!).
Other than Sir Tom McKillop (the ex-RBS chairman) being asked whether he had taken legal advice for a charge of criminal negligence (ouch), I am not sure it revealed anything particularly interesting.

But it's clear that us ordinary mortals are a little irritated by news of bonuses being awarded to various folk from banks as pointed out by Jon Howard. The answer that came back from Lord Turner on the Andrew Marr show this morning was along the lines of :"we have to attract talented people, so getting rid of bonuses would be counter-productive".

OK, so what will change? Answer - fuck all. There'll still be large cash sums/pension contributions paid irrespective of performance. Now I, like most others, only get bonuses based on company performance ... company does well = employees do well. It's a basic maths equation that seems to be overlooked by these financial bods.

But the thing that bothers me most is: why are bonuses paid out in cash rather than shares/share options ... the senior folk at companies are judged on shareholder return (which means share value and level of dividends), so why aren't there bonuses inextricably linked to this metric? I suspect this would mean that the level of bonuses would be smaller or more difficult to achieve ... well, tough shit.

Or even easier ... just give them a higher salary: because the current bonus structure doesn't seem to be really based on above-expectation performance.

Or are the senior finance bods just the commercial equivalent of footballers ... doesn't matter what they do, they still get paid a bloody fortune.

The old left, right again

A smidge of excitement mounts as it's time for a new mobile phone ... excellent, it's like a mini birthday present.

So I decide to go with Vodafone. Virgin, my current provider, obviously think it's better to spend £100+ to get a new customer than spend less than that to keep me.

So look on the web, find what I want and then give Vodafone a call ... good so far, offer is still remains the same between the two channels. Onto delivery ... they won't deliver to my office; for security reasons they have to deliver to my home. But I have to work so I have to wait a week and stay in next Saturday for delivery.

Bang has just gone the 'honeymoon' period. So why can't I pick up the phone in one of their stores, local to my office?

"Oh no Sir, I'm sure you appreciate that we have our security precautions."

Not when it's inconvenient and I could take proof of residence like bills or passport, credit cards etc. into of their stores. They seem to be OK security measures for other companies.

C'mon, let's not have the left hand and the right hand not connecting! This is not exactly new news as I covered another instance on my company's blog.

Get rid of these silos and think about the customer journey. 'Cos I'm almost thinking ... might cancel and go with comparable O2 offer.

I wish I was on the wagon ...

Oh dear, a little too much drink too quickly last night ... so nothing terribly intellectual today.

Always wondered where "on the wagon "came from. There seem to be various definitions so I'll choose the one I like - well, "it is my party and I'll do what I want to" ... you'll have to be my age to know where that lyric comes from. So here goes ...

In days of yore, those folk who were being lead to the gallows through the centre of London were given drinks from pubs en route ... they walked behind a carriage/wagon to which they were tethered . The only person not allowed to have a drink was the "prison officer" who was driving the wagon ...

Hence "on the wagon" meaning ... not drinking.

C'mon Airlines, get with it

So the snow arrives and the UK goes into a tailspin.

3 of the girls in the office were due to fly out today from Luton to go skiing ... so much gnashing of teeth when they couldn't get through to the airline this morning to find out whether the flight was cancelled.

Let's face it, there's a real easy way of defusing this angst. They booked on-line so your e-mail is captured when booking, so the airline know your e-mail and what flight you're on.

So why not a simple e-mail (or text message) to the girls giving them an update rather than letting the phone ring off the hook and irritating customers.

So c'mon, what about a little proactivity! It would cost less and customers are happier ... or am I missing something?

PS. EasyJet actually offer the service, but it's not automatic ... you have to tell them.

Energising your advocates ...

Recently read Forrester's Groundswell book ... definitely worth a read: just opens up a different way of approaching marketing problems. We've been doing off-line versions of identifying advocates for ages ... the old Member-get-Member (MGM) programmes. But they always seem to be tactical "dip in and out" initiatives.

So when I came across the article about Lulu Community Centre on Forrester, it got me thinking a little bit more.

Now there are various initiatives that I've discussed with clients but that's a confidential, so I'll apply the same approach to a sector where we don't have a client ... petfood (this is a different slant to one of the case histories in Groundswell).

Identifying potential advocates is fairly simple ... via purchase data, on-pack promotions, buzz metrics, the aforesaid MGM technique (and preferably all four). So next step is getting them involved in how a brand and its products evolve ... ideas for new SKUs, new products, what others are doing that they think is worth knowing, testing new products (and the list goes on). So, why would pet owners want to do this:

Well, 'valuing my opinion' is one of my 6 key customer loyalty tenets: buy me a beer and you can have the other 5 ... yeah, I know I'm cheap. Anyway back to the blog ... so massaging ego is one reason (and watch those fingers type and tongues wag when these guys get going), tapping into a passion point like their dog or cat is another. But what else?

A more tangible 'reward' perhaps something different to the norm ... like a dedicated line of petfood for these customers. So a line/flavour (preferbaly an identified favourite of the advocates that is not available in retail outlets but just sold direct (yes, sold not given away) ... just wonder what that would do to word-of-mouth and see how those advocate numbers might grow as more want to be involved.

And could it be a different way to launch new lines: build customer demand through advocates by selling direct and then potentially switching to the retail channel. Being careful to replace that line with a new exclusive line for the advocates.

Might go and find out ... always liked dogs.

Is the brand wheel, onion, doughnut really that useful?

Perhaps a somewhat heretical question coming from a planner, but challenging convention is seldom a bad thing.

Now having seen (and done) a countless number of these "precious" brand assets, I really am starting to question their use v. other approaches.

Yes, I think the brand essence is a useful tool in setting a benchmark for communications but frankly there tends to be so many words (personality and values) that surround it that you'd really be hard pressed to work out what the hell a brand's focus is ... and I mean beyond simply communications - it just seems to end up being a catch-all set of sentiments to pacify all the stakeholders. Yes, I know you use them to get to the essence, but my point is that they then become pretty redundant ... and therefore so does the wheel.

Why have such a generic tool? An alternative to the "onion layers" is the 5Es: economy, ease, expertise, empathy, experience. Particularly useful for service sectors such as finance, utilities etc.

By focusing on these elements, it is a hell of a lot easier and clearer to all stakeholders which areas the brand is seeking to excel in (and I mean stakeholders that are not necessarily marketing folk). When I have done Net Promoter Score (NPS) research on financial companies, it is no fluke that companies such as First Direct, The Co-operative and Nationwide score well.

It is clear they have a particular focus on one or two of the Es (I'll leave it to you to pick them) ... the others major institutions are non-descript because they simply do not have sufficient focus (in all stakeholder departments) on what they stand for ... but I bet you they all have brand wheels, onions (and all the other descriptors) coming out their ears.

PS. Before someone gets on their high horse ... 5Es is not my idea. I believe it emanates from one of the big consultancies. Shame on us agency planners for not thinking of this and just re-inventing the wheel (sorry, couldn't resist it!) so that we can pretend it's really that different/better to anyone else's!

Customer-centric? Let's see ...

When I tripped over this particular anecdote, it reminded me of loads of meetings that I've been in (yes, I'm getting on a bit) and keep hearing the phrase "Customer-centric marketing".

Let's see how many companies fall at the first hurdle ... posing the following question to a customer or site visitor: "how would you like us to keep in touch with you: mail, e-mail etc, etc ?"
So what would a company say, or at least think to that - something along the lines of:

"Good God, that means we'll have to do what customers want ... well ,we'll go as far bunging them an incentive to purchase but that kind of thing opens a can of worms: that's not easy and may cost a load of money having more than one channel communication at any one time".

So please, don't use the phrase if you can't get past this first hurdle. I have also seen more focus groups than soft mick ... and the amount of times I've heard people raise this is unreal.

So c'mon, be brave, be wise, be customer-centric.

Creating value in cinemas

Was having a chat with a colleague ... or was it a client - I'll soon find out when they accuse me f nicking the idea! Anyway aforementioned client/colleague was talking about the experience in quite a few Aussie cinemas which I thought was simple but neat.

You can get at-seat service ... a sort of concierge service. So you don't have to go through that long queue for a hot dog (a personal weakness) ... or anything else that's hot and unhealthy.

You just go straight to designated seats and the order is taken ... and if you run out of stuff (don't the films seem to be getting longer!), you don't have to abstain or miss part of the film.

Just their version of an airline's or train's trolley service (and can you remember when the ice cream lady used appear in cinemas in days of yore ... mmm?). With revitalised cinema audiences, it's something worth thinking about ... generating extra income by creating value is always a good thing.

Out of the mouths of babes ...

So my daughter hands over her school report somewhat sheepishly ... oh dear, here we go!

The normal array of the cliched and familiar teacher comments ... "must try harder, lacks focus, too much chat in class", so I ask my daughter:

"So what do you think school is about? Why do you think you go to school?"

After a brief pause for reflection, the answer comes back:

"I go to school to socialise".

I'll get my coat.

A drop in the ocean ... but it's still my money

I haven't really bothered looking too hard at my mortgage payments as I'm on a fixed term. But I thought I'd take a quick gander last night.

Ploughing through 7-8 pages (note to self: see if you can get electronic statements), I came across an early repayment charge of £10 from Cheltenham and Gloucester. Now whilst I owe gazillions, I thought: "Hold on, not like me to be early with anything, let alone giving money to my mortgage company."

Did I send off a cheque in some Xmas drunken stupour? Nah, more likely to have passed out than dig my cheque book out. And all my payments, like anyone else, are on direct debit.

So am I being charged because C&G have taken too much money on the direct debit?! A bit of a double whammy, methinks. Now whilst the internet is the dog's, there's nothing like the phone to make a point, so excuse me whilst I find out where my drinking money has gone.

The Left Hand, Right Hand Syndrome

That time of the year when the daughter is jumping up and down wanting a phone upgrade ... and of course it's got nothing to do with the new designs on offer! "Dad – it’s got nothing to do with the look of the phone ... it just the one I’ve got doesn’t work properly" says Pinnochio.

Anyway I digress …

This conversation has been prompted by a text to my daughter's phone (not me the 'owner' ... tut tut !!) saying she's eligible for an upgrade. So imagine my surprise ... OK my dismay, when "the computer, it says No" (aka T-Mobile website). Christ it's like a script from Little Britain!

Or in this day and age of multiple touchpoints, let's call it the 'Left Hand, Right Hand Syndrome'.

So already slightly on edge, I phone the customer 'services' line. They say: "cos you’re such a great customer, we’d be happy to upgrade the phone and change the tariff" … OK, so obviously talking to the left hand which is turning out to be nice and friendly. Also I'll get the turbo charged memory card that's on offer on the site.

Package arrives next day, but no memory card … Now, I was going to let it drop but then pride kicked in: let’s face it, little worse in life than Dad failing in the eyes of a daughter.

So back on the phone ... it's the dreaded right hand: “No sir, you’re not eligible for the memory card – that’s an internet offer only”.

Some gnashing of teeth: “I was offered this yesterday by one of your colleagues” says me.

“Nothing I can do sir, it’s an internet only deal” says right hand.

Handset finds its way somewhat forcefully back onto the receiver and I start doing a version of a psychotic raindance. Anyway, back onto their site and send off e-mail asking them quite politely:

“Are you mad? I've spent over £1,000 with you lot and you're quibbling about something that'll cost you c. £2!!".

Obviously there is no indicator whether this has been dleivered to the left or the right hand!

In the meantime, go and buy a memory card from T-mobile site – they can always rebate the cost if the e-mail arrives in the left hand's inbox.

The sky is black with hats: it’s left hand sending an e-mail:

”Terribly sorry, you’re wonderful (OK, a bit of poetic license there), memory card in the post”.

Now I have 2 memory cards with the one I bought being credited so I seem to have got a free card … so all’s well that ends well.

A couple of thoughts (for those companies suffering from this syndrome which will be a fair few)

Some brands seem to think that customers only use one channel, never two … or can’t be bothered with those of us who do. Don’t make it difficult for us ‘cos you’ll lose … get some buzz metrics in place and you’ll see lots of people like me ranting, reviewing and scoring … and guess what: others are more likely to listen to me than you, Mr Brand Manager.

If it's too expensive for a single customer view, then for the love of a good curry, please recognise your most meaningful punters and get a dedicated retention team in place so we can get a nice big warm feeling … after all in today's day and age: it’s all about me, me, me.

Cracking widget, Grommit

Our creative director, Becky, came across this widget from Sprint.

http://now.sprint.com/widget/

Really quite addictive and a nice piece of brand engagement.

British Gas: oh dear, oh dear

Rather than repeat coverage like that in the Mirror of the recent price drop, this is more of a case of how not to treat a customer ... when it would have been so easy to create an advocate rather than a detractor. It's an edited version of a recent blog I did on the Geronimo website (where I work, by the way).

Most of you will recognise this tale. Get first winter utility bill and say “How much? The thieving little … (sound of bleeps)”. So immediately onto the price comparison sites. Actually find out that I would save most with British Gas … slightly unusual as I am BG dual fuel customer!!! Apparently I am on the wrong tariff – which is confirmed by their call centre.

C’mon people, if this information is in the public domain … then how long do you think it’s gonna take for your customers to find out! And guess what …“ Taxi”. I’m off to someone else … even if it costs me a little more.

A thought on how they could have created an advocate:

What about BG approaching me in November offering to do a tariff review … so “go on-line and let’s see if we can ensure you’re on the right tariff” – even if it’s done on a test size to prove/disprove business case. So they’re proactive, customer-centric, and pre-empt the inevitable price comparison search ... but with more control rather reacting to an ill-tempered customer.

It makes you proud to be British

Like going to hospital, either as a patient or visiting someone? Nah, not much fun is it.

So, as reported in the Times, the relatively recent car park charges levied by NHS hospitals just makes an unpleasant experience that little bit worse. Justified by the suits as necessary income to help funding ... oh just do one!

But it actually gets worse ... let's take Kingston Hospital who have a pre-pay system. So pregnant friend of mine goes there for a check-up last week. Thinks: "right I have got an appointment scheduled for 2.30 ... 2.15 now, allow half hour over-run and add another 30 mins just in case" ('cos NHS appointments are always bang on time!). So 2 hours paid for ... in she goes and waits and waits and waits.

Thinks it's going to be touch and go but also aware that if she skips out to fill the meter, she might lose her place ... so bad enough someone that's 8 months pregnant is even to having to worry about this.

Back to her car 5-10 minutes late = £60 fine slapped on the windscreen. Good for the blood pressure!

Think the hospital suits must have sales promotion experience - it's sort of the equivalent of banking on non-redeemed prizes when budgeting. It's just this time they're banking on ... a) people overpaying, b) people being delayed ... or c) people not having the exact money (oh didn't I mention that the machines don't give change !) ... or all three. Kerrching!

Breaking down the silos

I find it amazing that those who build and run sites seem to think that the only way or the best way of interacting with potential purchasers and customers is on-line.

So finding a phone number to talk to someone is made unusually difficult in many cases - for instance try finding a way to get hold of someone from blogger.com, e-mail/phone or any other which way.

When selling something, which is kind of the point in the end analysis, human interaction (ie with a call centre) will tend to work best in terms of visit to sale conversion. And yet many sites must think it is a massive failure of the site if the visitor decides to call rsther than to transact on-line.

Kind of missing the point and getting caught up in a silo mentality that once someone is on-line the only answer is on-line.

A bit more thought and appreciating multi-channel touchpoints are a good thing would be a step forward. After all in moving from a push to pull marketing model, you should be providing what the visitor wants ... including the ability to talk.

And this is even more important when customers are involved ... the human touch seems to be something to be avoided by many, instead of something they should be embracing.

Favourite phrase

Nothing too heavy for a Sunday. Always loved the phrase:

'Keep abreast of what's afoot'

Any that have stuck with you?

Have the banks ever heard of NPS?

Whilst I don't believe Net Promter Score is by any means the only metric a brand should use, it does show what we all think ... that just about all the banks are much of a muchness.

When I carried out a bit of quant' research on the relative NPS of leading consumer banks... sure enough First Direct were way out ahead with Nationwide and Co-operative also scoring well - the other were nowhere to be seen, all logging minus figures.

Now when they're rebuilding, let's hope they do better with differentiating themselves and paying a bit more attention to individual customer preferences.

A start for them (and some other sectors) is to segue from these vanilla 'extras package' like the one offered on NatWest Gold to building personalised packages. They try to offer all things to all men and succeed in just giving a series of discounts on a) things you can easily get elsewhere, b) stuff that you're just not interested in.

Try taking a leaf out of O2's book = simple bolt-on options (like mobile banking or 1 month payment holiday when overdrawn ... put your mind to it and you can easily add to the list).

More to the point ... a little data capture to uncover the passions of their customers in order to serve a deeper set of benefits (rather than just a broad scatter-gun style of benefits). And above all engage with customers ... let them help build the benefits.

But I suspect that this represents just a little bit too much work ... too many times you see things which can be classified as 'it's easy, so let's do it'. It's not going to work anymore with the emerging power of peer-to-peer.

Give customers what they truly want and just watch those fingers type, mouths move and the herd starts moving ... the payback is free and 'trusted' advertising by an emerging band of advocates.

Extra bunce for school teachers

As with a lot of people, I think teachers are underpaid ... there always seem to be threats of strike when the pay deals are negotiated with the government, as reported by the Independent, but you step back and have to conclude that the school system seems to be its own worst enemy.

We've got a private tutor at the moment for my daughter on Maths ... 4 hours a week to bring her up to scratch. Have done it on English before as well. And it's not particularly cheap ... and it's not unusual - lots of parents do this.

So why is it that we can't pay the teachers at school to do it? More money for them ... they know the areas where the kids are weak ... and easy 'cos the kids can stay where they are.

Why? Because "that would show favouritism" according to one head teacher ... oh, I thought it would mean that the kids who need it are likely to do better ... that their own staff earn more and that the school would do better in its results.

In this day and age of schools being more responsible for their own budgets,they're really gonna have to learn how to leverage their assets better.

How the government profits from floods

Many parts of the country got hit last year, as reported by the Guardian. But when there is a series of floods in the UK next time around ... think on this from 2008 experience:

1. Amount the government proposed putting towards flood relief in 2008 = £85m

2. Estimated total flood bill for 2008 payable by insurers = £3bn
(About £3.25bn just from 2 months in 2007 according to Reuters)

3. Total VAT payment on these bills to the government = £525m

4. Total 'profit' to the government because of floods = £440m

5. And why can't they zero-rate flood-related bills? Because of an agreement at European level

6. Who agreed to that? Mmm, let me think ... I wonder if Alastair Darling knows how to rain dance?

So what about re-investing all 'profits' from these floods into defences ... so next time around, there's less damage, less heartache, less claims, smaller insurance premiums. It ain't exactly rocket science.

God (or anyone else) give me strength ...

So the credit bubble has burst - the economy has gone tits up and everyone seems to blaming the US economy, or just dropping the 'economy' bit and pointing a finger over the pond as to why it all happened.

And then I came across a briefing paper from the Adam Smith Institute written by Tim Ambler, which seems to conclude that more regulation in the credit industry isn't the answer ... instead that people in institutions like the Bank of England and the FSA should have their roles reformed, be monitored more closely and "should do the jobs they're supposed to do".

Now that's high powered thinking for you ... do their jobs better! The expression: "No shit, Sherlock!" springs to mind. Apparently it's the current strict regulation in other finanacial sectors that has resulted in financial organisation creating very complex products that no-one understands ... yup, I can just see all the guns pointed at their heads forcing them to do that.

And apparently bonuses paid to bankers (not sure about the spelling there) are needed for to "offset their natural tendency to risk avoidance" - right, because it was risk avoidance that landed us in this mess.

Leave it to the underwriters and their fat-cat bosses and we'll just end up in the same bloody mess sooner or later. You have to wonder what the hell this lot have been smoking!

Just wondering ...

Heard of the speed of light? Yeah, I thought so but ... what's the speed of dark?

Time is money ... holidays are more precious

As society has moved on ... more single people, more couples working, it seems that the retail distribution hasn't, at least for us city folk.

Does this ring a bell? Having to take a half-day off to accept a delivery of something you've bought ... or getting stuff delivered to work and then struggling through rush hour banging into people with your recent purchases.

But you have, in any given neighbourhood, empty premises (shops, offices, warehouses) which stay unoccupied. In fact, what about schools? Big and empty, must have areas they can cordon off. Couple these outlets with the younger folk trying to earn a crust working all hours in take-aways outlets like Mackie D's.

So hey, what about taking over empty premises and using them as depots ... employ those who are either desparate to get on the job ladder or youngsters in fast food outlets; deliver ordered goods into these shops/offices - keep them open until 10ish (so not that late).

I'd pay a premium not to have to take time off work and avoid the stress of carrying stuff in the rush hour? Surely someone's got to have a look at breaking this stupid distribution convention: a few companies getting together to get it off the ground? No? Too difficult? C'mon, at least scope it out.

Nice touch ...

Might be on my own here, but I just hate small change ... so there's a jar in the kitchen with loads of small coins. Problem is with this is that I just end up picking more and more of it as I never have change (of less than £1 denominations) on me when I'm out and about buying stuff.

So, pleasant suprise when I droppped into Esso to get some sweets. They had a little tray saying: "Short of a penny or two ... just help yourself" ... with 1p, 2p and 5p pieces in it. Idea is that visitors drop their change in it: a sort of each driver helps one another thing.

My bill came to 1.04p ... meaning ordinarily that I would walk out with 96p in change; but not this time ... not a big thing but a nice touch.

Someone's having a toffee crisp

Tripped over a blog on AIG by the FT and it kind fuelled a fire. So here goes ... to all those who were flogging AIG bonds last year, especially in Q2 and Q3 ... did you tell investors any of the following as part of your recommendation?:
- the previous chairman had been censured in 2005 and the company fined nearly £2bn
- their credit rating downgraded in the same year (now the route cause of their liquidity problem!!)
- AIG posted losses of over £20bn in Q1 of 2008
- that their exposure in the US housing market might be a slight cause of concern as that market had dipped by c. 14% in 2007

Any of you? Nah, didn't so ... too busy with your eyes on your own bottom line, rather than the bottom line of the investors you were 'advising'.

And before you ask ... no, I didn't buy any AIG stuff! A quick look at their recent pass and anyone who was even slightly cautious (understandable given the turbulence of last year) wouldn't have touched it with a toxic barge-pole.

Should I or shouldn't I ?

Is it just me or are there others who see a woman on the tube who looks pregnant and then desparately pretend not to have seen her?

And do you then furtively look around to see of there is a bloke sitting closer to the woman ... and then think ... ah that's OK, at least two blokes closer so I'll stay put.

What I keep telling myself: last time I offered my seat, she wasn't pregnant and I not only got an earful but also lost my seat.

No? Just me? I'll get my coat.